This…. This is the “feel” that I want !!!!

Jun 10, 2020

Lately,  I have been thinking a lot, as I’m sure many of us have. Now I find myself saying the words before pandemic or after pandemic. So to simplify I will say before pandemic.

So before pandemic, I seemed to be caught up in this totally stressful mindset even though I try to live a zen full life. I realize looking back that I was actually thinking about my future more than I needed to. I was thinking,  how am I going to pay my bills when I get older, will I have enough and will I be enough?

I realized  that I was not only working in the now,  I was working also in the future. Maybe that’s why looking back I felt as though I was working two jobs, two lifetimes and I was feeling the toll it was taking on my life.  I didn’t feel as happy, my body hurt most of the time and I was experiencing stress more than usual.

So after pandemic, in my profession as a massage therapist I was not allowed to work. I have been teaching yoga and I  couldn’t have classes. I have been teaching group classes and couldn’t do that. The only thing I could do was one on one telephonic coaching sessions. It really slowed things down a lot in my life.

Finding My Light

I found myself literally laying in the sun looking up at the sky listening to books on audible.  I got a super nice tan through it all.  Started to beautify the land around my home as  we put out mulch and Pine-needles.  I worked on making my gazebo into a massage hut with hopes of re-opening and having clients be able to get a nice yummy massage in the woods by the creek.  This begin to inspire me. Actually  my inspiration was nothing new,  it was not a new idea, a new revelation or anything of the like. I Believe that those things are only remembering who we are and were all along.

I realized I absolutely freaking loved being in the woods, I loved the warm sunshine, I love having very little clothes on and hanging out by the creek and going barefoot or wearing flip-flops. And I remembered wow, just like that. (See the picture above) . Last year,  this time actually  I was at a Heal your Life coaching training in Florida with my awesome trainer and personal coach Sandra Filer on one of the last days after seven days of long training each day she asked us to dress the way we wanted to see ourselves in three or five years out.  I had been thinking about this as she prepared us in advance before we arrived so that we would have suitable clothing to present ourselves in our new and desired future self.  I really did a lot of soul-searching that week as I have been doing for quite a while and what I came up with that day was to go to the dinner that night wearing only my sports bra, shorts and flip-flops that had been embellished with palm leaves and I would use the flowers on the property to beautify my hair.

This was me, simply put!!! I wasn’t doing it to be silly or cute I was dead serious. Through all my years actually since 2003 when I begin working on self actualizing and becoming my best self, all of my training as a certified life coach, massage therapist, artist,   hypnotist, or whatever else I could find myself doing,  it was all things that I absolutely love to do. However, I was working in town since 2009 in the small town where I live and I realized  that even the small town was too big for me. So last July I moved my business, I mean everything that I do into a vintage building that is over 100 years old and at the end of my road in the country. I had naysayers thinking, who in the world would come out to see Lori and her new business location. I am here to inform you that when you are living your best life and following your heart your dreams do come true.  I had put in the groundwork however, I had worked and built a steady practice since 2009 and I am so happy to have loyal clients and customers who have followed me to the ends of our little dirt roads, country roads that slow you down driving because there may be a horse or a horse and buggy or a tractor,  maybe even a man on a lawnmower holding up traffic. But nonetheless I built it and they came.  So now on Some day with my work location only a mile and a half from my home I get to take my little dog named Joy and we walk to work. Some days we drive our Toro Workman. I realize that making this move was one of the best decisions I’ve made. However, when I moved out last July I was actually swamped with more business than I almost could handle. Which leads me to today in the recent dilemma with the pandemic.

Even though I was loving my job and loving where I was living and working I felt like I wasn’t free enough. There was still a part of me that wanted to be expressed in my every day life. What this pandemic has taught me is that I can be me at a deeper level. I’ve  cut my appointments down per day. I dress  more in comfortable clothes and flip-flops on a daily basis. I allow space in my day to sit by the creek, go for a walk, look up at the trees in the sky and enjoy the beautiful land where I live.  I truly believe that when we are living our best lives that we are then able to give our clients and our customers our best selves and our best service.

Im able to Communicate love in every conversation I have. Impact my  coaching clients in deeper ways than I ever did before and I believe it is because I am myself and being true to me and who I am and it comes forth and every conversation I have. This  is me, this is what inspires me and I pursued it with every fiber of my being. I feel as though I’m giving the best massages I’ve ever given in my life. I am more present in everything I do.  I recently spoke with my coach Sandra and told her this. The outfit that I wore on the last night of our training that I described earlier is my Northstar. No.  I’m not going to work in my sports bra decorated with leaves but I am allowing myself to be the free bird, free spirit that I have always felt inside my soul.

I used to totally beat myself up because I couldn’t handle much stress or because I wasn’t corporate material. But I’ve come to love the person in my own skin. I’ve learned to love and except myself exactly as I am. So I’m here to say if whatever I’m doing is coming From the feeling I had when I wore that outfit then I’m on the right track,  whatever it is.  I recently just hosted a women’s camp out where all I did was prepare food, have  some creative activities and a place for women to come together and sit by the creek and de- stress  and relax and laugh together and it felt as if it was the most wonderful thing I’ve ever done!  I’m promising myself that I will allow myself and give myself permission to just be me!